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Errrrrk. [06 Dec 2005|10:16am]

eggnogstick
So.

Offering services as a beta to Cute Li'l Nestling Writers = good.

But...

What to do when they send you something so bad that it feels like the lining of your stomach has eroded and you're entering SEPTIC FUCKING SHOCK?

So I give her my honest opinion.

And I bet she'll post it anyway.

Stay tuned.
1 lovely bleachy shower| Cleanse thyself

PSA [20 Jun 2005|04:16pm]

dynamicsymmetry
[ mood | busy ]

Hey there.

If this community has a moderator, I'm guessing it's me. So this is just a heads-up, as I think there have been a few issues about this in the past:

When posting in here from now on, FLOCK THE POSTS. I'm not going to go back and do all the older ones over, because a: the real meat of this place is so old that I don't see why it's necessary, and b: I'm lazy. But in the future, if any story on U2slash (or anywhere else) warrants a post here, flock it.

(and believe me, whenever I see a post here it brightens my day in a sick way, so please don't hesitate to make use of this space.)

This community, ideally, is not here to hurt feelings. It's also not here to provide helpful or constructive criticism. It's a place for the annoyed to spew bile. The end. There's no reason why it has to be anything else, and there's no reason for it to be out in the open where it might do harm.

Any issues/questions should be directed, uh, here.

Thanks.

-The Managment

Cleanse thyself

[02 Jun 2005|12:10am]

izzybeth
[ mood | jesus h on a harley. ]

have at.

26 lovely bleachy showers| Cleanse thyself

[09 Jan 2005|05:53pm]

cat2150
This one managed to string together sentences. Doesn't mean that my eyes are not burning.

This one, on the other hand, has fragments.
Cleanse thyself

[09 Jan 2005|04:15pm]

cat2150
*shudder*



First of all, I don't know how this story got to be 34 chapters long. Secondly, I don't understand how people can write a few fragments and then post them as "completed" work. Thirdly - it's just really bad.
5 lovely bleachy showers| Cleanse thyself

a thousand apologies [13 Nov 2003|09:05am]

iwantcookies
Just to say: Sorry to the person whose artwork I insulted. I did not mean its ugly I just thought it does not look like bono. Maybe I put it a bit wrong. The rest of the art aint bad at all. I joined this community because I like having a laugh, and did not know it was so STRICTLY fic only. I tend to read books so my knowlegde of fanfic is not great ... blah blah. Let me stick to the point here. If it would make anyone feel any better, you can insult my "artwork" at the lj_art community. Your insults will be accepted with grace. I will leave a topic in my journal called 'Leave insults here' and you can get yours in. (Please form an orderly cue)once again: a thousand apologies
Cleanse thyself

[11 Nov 2003|07:57am]

jess_faraday
Oh God! Oh God! Oh God!

I've got nothing constructive to add at this point because I am hyperventilating. This collection of postings is the funniest thing I've read in a LONG time!

That is all.
Cleanse thyself

Excuse my ignorance [24 Oct 2003|10:54am]

iwantcookies
[ mood | curious ]

but who is Mary Sue?

3 lovely bleachy showers| Cleanse thyself

I WANT TO DIE. [01 Aug 2003|06:57pm]

dynamicsymmetry
[ mood | irritated ]

Story Or Series Title: New York. (The only reason for this, as far as I can tell, is that this whole clump of shit takes place in New York. Also, it's a U2 Mary Sue, so a song title HAS to be worked in somewhere.)

Here's the first five chapters. I couldn't bring myself to post more; this thing is eighteen fucking chapters long, all of them filled to the brim with fresh, home-grown HORROR. They're all on the first two pages of the Zootopia Fanfic section, if anyone's really interested. And has a high tolerance for pain.

Fandom: U2
Culprit Author's Name: Mizz Fly (If I see ONE MORE FUCKING SN with "Fly" in it, I'll kill someone with a stick.)

Full Name (plus titles if any): Olivia Graham.
Full Species(es): Human. Or possibly some surprisingly intelligent form of single-celled thing.
Hair Color (include adjectives): Believe it or not, I don't think she ever tells us, despite giving us a very detailed rundown of what she wears to dinner with Bono three chapters in. I guess we're just supposed to work it out on our own.
Eye Color (include adjectives): Ditto.
Unusual Markings/Colorations: She spends pretty much the whole story with various incarnations of a "ripe red hickie" on her neck. Bono has some serious suction going on. Maybe he's a lamprey, or something. He also appears to have a vaguely creepy neck fetish.
Special Possessions (if any): "a picture of Bono a while after our first date" that she attaches to her comp monitor at work and stares at for several hours until her boss yells at her. Maybe he noticed the growing puddle of drool. Also, a promise that she makes to herself to not have sex with anyone unless she's known them for a month. To the day. This means that she and Bono spend a couple of chapters yearning to have, but never actually having, wild monkey-sex. Then a month goes by and they do. This apparently passes for tension.

Annoying Origin: She shares a cab with Bono. And he gets her number. And a heated, passionate relationship ensues, until Bono reveals that he's an evil android from the future and plunges his arm through her torso, spraying gore and shredded intestines everywhere.

No, sorry. Channeling my fantasies again. Kind of like THE AUTHOR.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Bono's NEW GIRLFRIEND!!11! EEEEE!!1 Apparently Ali has ceased to exist. Nice of her. Oh, how I wished for her to appear and lay the smack down on this bitch.
Annoying Special Abilities: She can make any member of U2 fall passionately in love with her, seeing as how Adam goes for her the moment he sees her, which creates ANGST!!1! YAY! Then there's grappling in a bedroom ("No, Adam! Don't!") and a lot of yelling, and there really isn't any reason to care in the slightest.
Other Annoying Traits: She EXISTS.

...Okay, I really have no idea where to start with this thing. It's just bad, bad, BAD, right from the mind-bogglingly stupid beginning, to the clichéd and pointless end. It isn't even really a "story" per se, because nothing HAPPENS. Bono meets her in a cab; they fall in love; they wait a month, during which Bono leaves on a trip and there's ANGST; the month goes by and they have lots of sex; Olivia meets Adam, who falls in love with her and kisses her, causing more ANGST. Bono gets mad and storms out, but then Adam apologizes and Bono forgives her, and presumably there's more sex.

So, yeah. There's no plot at ALL.

And it got great reviews, all around.

I just don't GET it.


Oh, Bonowonokins! You're so SEXAY when you're a jealous drunk!Collapse )

5 lovely bleachy showers| Cleanse thyself

Goofballs! [26 Jul 2003|06:40pm]

dynamicsymmetry
[ mood | annoyed ]

Story Or Series Title: Burning Star
Part One
Part Two
Part Three
Part Four
Part Five

Fandom: U2
Culprit Author's Name: SpOon
Full Name (plus titles if any): Sarah Shaw
Full Species(es): Human
Hair Color (include adjectives): At various times it is both "long raven", or ebony. Apparently the author couldn't pick just one. Then after Bono pays for her MAKEOVER!! TEEHEE!1 it becomes a "choppy, messy, layered chestnut-brown bob".
Eye Color (include adjectives): "Cat-green", "jade", "emerald". You kids and your wacky synonyms. In my day, "green" was good enough for anyone.
Unusual Markings/Colorations: None. Although the story was never finished, so you never know what might have lain in store.
Special Possessions (if any): A whole new wardrobe! That Bono bought for her! TEE!!1!

Annoying Origin: Suicidal prostitute on a bridge. Bono happens by, and instead of doing what any decent human being would do and let an obvious Mary Sue fall to her death, he steps in and saves her.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: After saving her from a well-deserved watery death, Bono, who is hopped up on goofballs, naturally decides that he'll make her a SUPERSTAR!!!1! He then ingests more of the aforementioned goofballs and falls head-over-heels for her.
Annoying Special Abilities: Ability to make Bono decide that she's star material seeing her unwashed and likely diseased, about to jump from a bridge. Also, the ability to make Bono ingest vast amounts of goofballs.
Other Annoying Traits: To quote Bono: "The voice of an angel". He hasn't heard her sing at the point at which this is said. He just knows. Maybe the goofballs told him. And you don't fool me, sister. No angel gave you that. You open your mouth and I smell brimstone.

Warning: To survive, ingest goofballs.Collapse )

11 lovely bleachy showers| Cleanse thyself

agreeing to disagree, just like democracy [10 Apr 2003|12:31pm]

bruxists
[ mood | democratic ]

I would like to thank all of you for having taken part in an experiment of sorts.

Regarding Bono, my point is quite simple. [And of course, it’s simply my opinion.] Whether trading on the naïve and maudlin ultra-sincerity of the early U2 days, his mid-period attempts at "Rock Star" irony, or his current and long-running would-be combo platter persona, the guy simply paints in too broad of brush strokes. In my book, one simply should not attempt to act as some hybrid MLK-meets-Jim Morrison mythic/anti-mythic figure. Hell, at least Morrison knew when to break out the micro-brush for detailed paint work, and he was a fucking lush! Even Stipe knows when to dial his monolithic ego the fuck down. And irony? Bono likes to fancy himself some good will world ambassador, preaching about equality among people [all the while sporting the designer shades, natch], while he simultaneously revels in U2’s superstar corporate-rich lifestyle! Negativland took this on a dozen years ago and it barely made a dent in the U2 juggernaut, but at least The Edge was down-to-earth enough to address the issue. over the edge!

Again, this is obviously my own opinion. Therefore, I’ll leave it be. Thanks for your time. And, I hope you're all happy that I kept it linear &, oops, AND played by your grammatical rules this time. ;-)

But before I end, allow me to reference another post which sums it up a bit more succinctly: pure grease!

3 lovely bleachy showers| Cleanse thyself

we're won, but we're not the same [09 Apr 2003|11:32am]

bruxists
[ mood | really spiritual ]

bono.stipe.idiot.fucks


last night saw yet another "bono tribute concert" at hollywood’s kodak theater, much like the one which took place on valentine's day 2002. the evening’s festivities were introduced by a solemn-yet-pensive dustin hoffman who, w/cher by his side, stated, "i’ve been listening to bono for over 35 years now, since before I made the graduate. snow skiing is incredibly fun but also incredibly dangerous. please, contact yr local red cross for safety tips before you take on life’s moguls." & - in an unprecedented move, aol-time-warner & disney co-sponsored the event & it was simultaneously broadcast on both abc & cnn. said a network insider, "we’re doing this simply as a good will effort, not only for bono, but for the troops in iraq, too."
[see related link]:corporations_really_help_war!

above, bono attempts to cheer friend & fellow corporate rock god michael stipe moments after michael eisner awarded bono the much-coveted rock equivalent of mickey mouse award. [a separate, lesser rock equivalent of bugs bunny award was given to stipe by close celeb/scientologist pal tom cruise at a private ceremony in a warner brothers-rented ballroom in west hollywood.]throw yr arms around the worldCollapse )
5 lovely bleachy showers| Cleanse thyself

You don't want to know how much it hurt to do this. [09 Jan 2003|09:26pm]

dynamicsymmetry
[ mood | PAIN ]

Or how much I'm still hurting now. I'm serious, people. This did something to my brain, and at the moment, I can't really do much in the way of cognitive reasoning. But I do know I'm hungy, and I think my motor skills are still mostly okay, so I'm going to go try to have dinner.

In any case, I hope you enjoy. Maybe even I will, after they get my dosage right.

And yes, Leelah, I did use your capital idea, in a way. I thank you. :)

Here.

4 lovely bleachy showers| Cleanse thyself

[01 Jan 2003|09:16pm]

dynamicsymmetry
[ mood | jubilant ]

She's BACK.

I'm sure it's her.

Dammit, I almost want to hug her.

9 lovely bleachy showers| Cleanse thyself

[12 Sep 2002|05:16pm]

dynamicsymmetry
[ mood | infuriated ]

This is war.

I mean it.

Let's fucking get them. Twi's got it, people. Send them letters. Send them BUCKETFULS. Spew rage across the screen.

And post to Loveisblindess.net. And thank God for Izzy.

5 lovely bleachy showers| Cleanse thyself

Ugh. [10 Sep 2002|10:35pm]

smacaski
[ mood | annoyed ]

Yick.

"Hey, we're away from our wives and we've got a few minutes before the concert. Let's fuck!"

"That makes sense. Sure, let's do it! I'm on top!"

7 lovely bleachy showers| Cleanse thyself

[09 Sep 2002|01:28am]

smacaski
What do people think of this? I liked "Truth or Dare," but here I'm thinking, "An *entire* beer bottle? Ouch! Really big ouch!" I mean, okay, if Larry were a Larissa (now there's a thought), that could work. Vaginas are meant to be really stretchy. But, uh, anal sphincters? Not quite so much. Of course, there's the fact that inserting beer bottles, produce, etc. really squicks me anyway, but geez.
3 lovely bleachy showers| Cleanse thyself

[08 Sep 2002|07:44pm]

smacaski
[ mood | amused ]

Things like this amuse me. I bet it's better than the actual story.

2 lovely bleachy showers| Cleanse thyself

[08 Sep 2002|12:22am]

dynamicsymmetry
[ mood | annoyed ]

While we're all bitching about Desire, has anyone else noticed that Ann's name is repeatedly spelled wrong?

In a way, I think that's kind of the ultimate insult right there.

1 lovely bleachy shower| Cleanse thyself

Caution - may induce seizures.... [06 Sep 2002|07:26pm]

oldgentleman
[ mood | determined ]

Ah yes, "Desire". I cringed the first time it appeared, and am cringing now.

Hopefully, if it is steadfastly and resolutely ignored, it will go away again. (Please, God!) So for heaven's sake, please don't even bother to give it a nasty review! (And try not to read it- it has a tendency to induce involuntary screaming.) Part of the momentum it had last time was due to the controversy it caused; don't give it the satisfaction twice!

Cleanse thyself

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